While on the phone to my sister last week, we were chit chatting about stuff in general and she suddenly asked ‘Do you remember when John got the wig’. As we remembered it we both fell around the place laughing and couldn’t stop.
My Dad John has been bald for as long as I can remember. For a while he indulged in the comb over. Quite often he spent longer getting his hair right than my Mother did. If we were out for a family walk and there was a high wind, we were elected. It meant we laughed away an hour at Johns expense. We had a game, I would stand to his right and Jim his left, we had to get him to turn and look at one of us and if the wind caught the comb over and it went awol we scored a point. He would usually catch us out after we got to 3 all.
One evening when I was 10 we were watching some TV after our Tea. The front door opened, as we had seen Johns car drive up we knew it was him. But it wasnt him, it was a man with a full head of thick black curly hair and he had a suit on. John was a butcher and never went to work in a full suit, a shirt and slacks yes, but never with the jacket on. Immediately myself and Jim ran into the kitchen to get my mother shouting ‘a stranger just walked in the front door’. When my mother went into the sitting room she just stood there with a look of shock on her face and her mouth wide open as if she was catching flies, then she started laughing and went ‘Oh jesus John’. I don’t know whose decision it was but John had only gone and gotten a wig. My mother kept saying ‘it’s your Dad’. Myself and Jim just stood there looking at him, trying to digest the dramatic transformation. My sister who was 4 years younger than me hid behind my Mother, obviously afraid of this stranger who did not look like her Dad.
After the initial How Do I Look awkward moment my Mother demanded he take it off…
John: I can’t
Ina: Why not
John: They sewed it on
Ina: What!, they sewed it on, you’re joking me, stop messing and just take it off
John: I can’t
Ina: How did they sew it on, they hardly used a needle and thread
John Well yeah, sure isn’t it after taking them all day to get it on me.
This conversation went on for ages and for the rest of the night we heard things like, don’t sit near me, I can’t even look at you, you look ridiculous, whats everyone going to think , oh jesus christ you can’t go out looking like that! Myself and Jim just spent the night laughing at him from behind hand covered mouths. My mother was so horrified I think she threatened to leave him if he didn’t go back the next day and get them to remove it. In fairness he did look ridiculous and to this day I don’t know what he was thinking getting one in the first place.
Next evening when John arrived in the door, the wig was gone! All someone has to say now is ‘remember the wig?’ and it reduces the five of us, including, John into howls of laughter and the slagging begins. Ina always says the same thing every time that story is mentioned … ‘and it cost a bloody fortune, must have hurt too’ … howls of laughter again. John also always says the same thing once we’ve stopped laughing …. ‘I thought I looked great’ and we’d be off again …