Category Archives: Humorous

White Gloss Paint

White gloss paint! Loved by my mother and applied by my father.  Every room in my parents house is white, always has been and I have no doubt it always will be.  My Mother, Ina, loves white walls and flowery carpet, thankfully she has started to move on from the flowery carpets! .  When we were children it was white paint on that woodchip wallpaper, i still don’t know why they never came out with it in a white colour, because she bought enough of it.  Her excuse …… ‘It makes the place look bigger’ and ‘It looks clean’.  My dad only ever painted when he was in bad humour, or perhaps having to paint put him in bad humour.  I guess after working a 12hr day 6 days a week he wasnt in the humour much of popping open a can of paint, and exercising his muscles some more, not his idea of fun.

One night John started painting the sitting room walls, we didn’t need to ask the colour, we knew it was white, myself and Jim were watching tv and John was in foul mood.  The furniture had to be moved and we were grumbling about the disturbance, John, dutifully ignored us.  I was probably only 6 or 7, Jim is a year and a half older, but i knew i was sooo not happy with being inconvenienced.  Jim wanted to help, on this night his offer of help was not wanted, John just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.  He got one wall done with the help of lots of f’s and b’s, must have been the cutting in, it gets to everyone!  Then he was gone, we knew he wasnt finished because the can of paint was still open and brush sitting on top of it.  I think John was gone to have his dinner.  Ina was as bad a cook as I am now so we knew it wouldn’t have put him in better humour than he already was!

I went off for some reason, I can’t remember why but i was only gone 5 minutes, when I arrived back, I thought there was something wrong with the TV, I sat down waiting for the screen to go back to normal.  After a rew moments I realised NOTHING was going to make the TV go back to normal.  Jim had grabbed the paint brush dipped it into the open can of gloss paint and painted the whole TV screen, it was perfectly painted, he even made sure not to go outside the line of the screen.  As he sat there laughing his head off, I had that sudden OMG moment, he was still laughing, when he finally got why I was so shocked he realised what he had done, he ran, faster than I ever saw him run before.

I remember just sitting there alone desperately trying to come up with excuses as to the state of the TV, couldn’t think of one, meanwhile, Jim was still hiding out in some corner of the house.  Ina walked into the sitting room about 10 mins later, dinner must have been over.  I said nothing hoping she wouldn’t notice.  I kept looking at her to see if I could spot the moment the penny dropped and she noticed the new piece of art in the corner…..and then the penny dropped. What did you do?  I very quickly transferred the blame back to Jim.  I wasn’t getting blamed on this one. She ran, as I thought to find Jim but instead she arrived back with t-towels and tissue paper thinking it would wipe off, it just made it a whole lot worse.  She was frantic.   Every time she put the t-towel or tissues down the paint rubbed off the carpet and tv stand.  There was white streaks of paint everywhere, he had put so much paint on the brush it had started dripping down the screen onto the base of the TV.  She went from quietly whispering ‘what were you thinking’ to roaring ‘I’ll bloody kill you both’ at me. Jim was found hiding in his wardrobe, the smile was well and truly wiped off his face that night.  It is probably just as well, but, to this day I cannot remember Johns reaction, possibly because we were ushered off to bed very quickly but I know the paint job that TV got led the way to our first remote control TV and a new flowery patterned carpet…..

Another howler when we are all sitting down remembering.

2 Comments

Filed under Humorous, Life